Made it, but Anxiety is a Bitch
So you’re probably thinking ‘what the hell is wrong with her, she’s going to do her dream, whats there to be anxious about?’. But that’s the thing, what was there to be anxious about? Nothing really but it still crept in, trying to get in the way.
I felt fine during the lead up, everyones been so supportive, especially my family & boyfriend, I didn’t even cry at the airport (wow), just had jelly legs. I’ve been looking forward to this for ages, hardly felt scared, well as scared as anyone would be and I was proud of myself, but no, anxiety has to show it’s face in situations where theres nothing to be worried about. I’m not afraid to admit I’m scared, I was actually confused like ‘why do I feel okay, this isn’t like me?’, but after being on the 1st flight for a bit and thinking I’ve supressed it, I started getting an uncomfortable feeling in my tummy, almost like being empty from hunger, but it was the anxiety creeping in; Probably didn’t help that I had to move seats on the plane cause a creepy man clearly didn’t understand personal space.
I just had so many unnecessary thoughts going through my head
- ‘crap I’m so far away from my loved ones’
- ‘what if I can’t do it’
- ‘what if I’m not strong enough’
- ‘what if I don’t get my connected flight’
- ‘what if I overheat and faint’
- ‘what if I stress over nothing’ (how ironic)
I’d even be anxious about things that don’t even relate to the situation like ‘Why didn’t I get a better grade in my dissertation’ or ‘Why can’t I just reply to a simple message’. All these ‘what if’s’ that don’t even matter.
I normally go by these steps when I’m encountering situations where anxiety pops up:
- Stay Calm
- Don’t Rush
- Stay Cool
I feel staying cool is a big one, as when you’re flustered its hard to focus, especially for me anyway. I don’t feel like anxiety is something you can completely cure, but just control (may differ for some of you).
Sorry if this post isn’t all high spirits, but anxiety is all part of travelling/day to day life and needs to be spoken about. Talking/writing actually does help, as much as I used to hate it.
But anyway, I actually teared up (happy tears obvs) when the pilot said ‘we will be arriving in Cebu in 10 mins’. Can’t believe I’m actually here now; here’s a couple of birds eye shots and a pretty swimming pool.
“You’re not going to master your whole life in a day, so just relax. Master that day then keep doing that everyday”